Cunnilingus: You think you know..., but you have no idea...

Every once in a while we women come across the habitual, arrogant [shit-talking] man who is the self-proclaimed Master of the Cunnilingus Arts. This is the man that proceeds to fill your head with all kinds of sexual promises and somehow manages to lure you in with his occasional pornographic jargon and undeniably persuasive attitude. Granted, we commend those of you who do speak about such things, as there are many of you are either afraid to do it or just don't want to. However, without giving it too much thought, we women either already know if we want to give the man a chance to prove himself worthy of such a title, or to reject him outright. For the sake of argument, lets go ahead and pretend that we've made arrangements/preparations to 'play along' and fast forward to the Final Exam, shall we?

Chapter 1: The Many Parts of the Vagina

Men, without "Googling", how many parts do you think the female genitalia consists of?

• (a) 4
• (b) 5
• (c) 12
• (d) 10

The correct Answer is 10. That's right, 10. I'm not going to get into detail about all of them, but if you'd like to obtain further knowledge on this subject matter, click the following link:

http://www.womenanswers.org/womenshealth/womenanswers-org-b3-11007.html.

Anyway, the reason why I ask is that a commonly reported problem in the men that do venture out into the world of cunnilingus, is that you all seem to think that the clitoris is the only area your tongue is to be acquainted with... BORING. Fellas, we thank you for mustering up enough courage to visit the Bushwick Gardens and we appreciate the thoughtful and romantically intended gesture, but please. Your tongue should be exploring the ENTIRE vaginal area (i.e.: Cuntington Station). More importantly, your entire mouth should be exploring the ENTIRE vaginal area (and then some, ya' dig?). How would you like it if we just flickered our tongues on the head of the penis and NO WHERE ELSE?! See the point?

Chapter 2: Your Wish is My Command

Gents, those of you who do "munch carpet", why do you do it?

• (a) "Because my girl does it for me, and I have to do it back."
• (b) "Because if I don't do it, I'll have to sleep on the couch."
  
• (c) "Because I enjoy turning her on, and watching her reactions."

Without hesitation your answer should have been (c) "Because I enjoy turning her on, and watching her reactions." and here's why.

The problem with the responses (a) and (b) is that, although reciprocity is key, you should never have to do anything you're not up for doing. It dramatically effects your performance, and will more than likely destroy the mood. Any and all parts of sex should be enjoyed by both parties simultaneously, otherwise you should just do it yourself... but seriously, I doubt it would be much fun.

Chapter 3: Real or Fake: Orgasm that is...

Guys, how many times have you heard or experienced the following responses/actions:

• "Stop! I can't take it!" (and she proceeds to squirm away from you)

-or-

• "Stop! I want you to fuck me now!" (and she is pulling your head away)

Either response can be a [really] good one... or a [really] bad one... I'm not going to get too deep (no pun intended) on this particular topic, but please allow me to say that a woman's body tells it all. If she's gushing like a fruit, you are doing the right thing. I applaud you, and you will most likely pass the exam and receive your Doctorate Degree in Cunnilingus. However, there are many times women find themselves trying to be "nice" to some of you and we avoid damaging your egos. That is because you're so hell bent on being "The Best at What You Do" and that "people should pay you for your services"... When the truth of the matter is, you're the best at being the worst and she would be more than happy to pay you to stop...

For more information on the tricks of the trade, please click the following link:
http://ezinearticles.com/?Cunnilingus---Tips-for-Pleasing-Her&id=155258

I sincerely apologize for the graphic language and subject matter used in this blog post. There are just some things that we women need to address, as there are many of us who suffer in silence with this issue. Feedback and Comments are welcome.